put on the quality since she left Illinois " I was only goin' out
in the city to do a little shoppin."
" Exactly," sez I, " and seein' as I hain't nothin particular to do,
I don't mind if I take a little tromp out with you."
First she gin a glance at my homespun clothes, then at the old
BY HAZEL GKEE5, ESQ.
tavern keeper, and finally in every which way to satisfy herself
that the pill pedlar was not in sight, and then she nodded her
" Say, Haze !" said Bill Webber, as lie broke ia upon me last
We hadn't got but a little distance afore sez
head and we started.
Written for Young's Spirit of the South.
BILL WEBBER IN SAINT LOUIS.
"What now?" asked I.
" Why, I don't think you done prezactly the clean thing when
you went and printed what I told you about me takin' dinner at
the Planter's House tavern, when I was at St. Louis. What I
told you I intended to go no furder. You ort to a knowd thai.
Jest see what's como of it. You went and Bent it to Young, and-hait printed in his Spirit ov the South, and now, you see, it's
its caused me to
in everybody's gab; yes, and not op!"
morain' as 1
u ont ;
up on t'other, and '
darter, to say nothing of the old oquu; Himself, and stveral others,
heard him, sez he to me
" Capt'n, fetch me some omlet and rum, and don't be stingy of
Gelucipher! how mad that made me. I jest biled all over, and
if it hadn't a bin that I had my best? clothes on, I'd a went over
and a lickt him into kingdom come.
Now, laze, you sec this is all your fault you had no business
I wouldn't a sarved you, nor no
to go and get that printed.
other man sitch a mean trick. But good sop! I didn't tell you
all that happened while I was in St'Jjouis, nor I won't niither."
Just then I saw what my friend was driving at. lie had something more to tell me, and was not half so mad as he let on. In
fact he was like some singers I know of wanted to be " pressed a little." Of course 1 " pressed " him, and very soon these disclosures followed a dozen or two "now don't you let it go any
"Arter I'd got out of .the eaten' room of the Planter's House
tavern, the tavern keeper he presented a big book for me to write
my name in, and I let in and done it in the best stylo possible.
While I was a standin' a lookin' at the graceful twist I'd gin the
W. and the tavern keeper, he was a takin a squint at it too, as if
he thought I'd used up a little too much paper, a woman all flirted up in silk fixtus, come a glidin' by us. Now you know, Haze,
I was altars a great feller to look at winimin, so I turned around
A single glance struck me
to have a chunk of a ga.e at this one.
all into a pile, for recognized in her Sal Slater from our parts
out here, who married a pill pedlar some two years ago, you
" Wi.y, Sal, how do you come on ?" sez I, a pokin' out my hand
for a shake.
Sho drew back, mortally astonished at first, but artcr she'd
took another look, sez she:
" Bill Webber from Illinois, as I live!"
" Piieisely," sez I a reachin' out my hand a little furder, and a
tak'n' a peep at the tavern keeper, who stood with his eyes
out about a foot or a foot and a half.
'Ob, yes' sez she, "Mr. Webber!"
Precisely," sez I agin, for she didn't seem exactly certain it
w;b hi'!. She was soon convinced, however, and then come a perfect shower of questions about our folks; about who was mar-rand who warn't, and all sutch like. Finally I stopt her by
axin where she was a driviu' to.
" Oh," sez she, as perlite as a basket of chips
she's larn't to
" Hadn't you better take a 'bus,' Mr. Webber?"
Now, I allers thought Sal Slater to be a jam up gal, therefore
you'd better believe this little piece of boldness astonished me
vastly. At first I didn't know what to say finally I concluded
to let on like 1 didn't hear her. It done no good, for purty soon
sez she agin, fixin' her nice little mouth up with ono of the sweetest smiles you ever seed, sez she:
" Hadn't you better take a 'bus,' Mr. Webber ?"
That was too much for my ffectionate,Vpf mind to stand,
so I gin in, and sez I :
"To tell you the rale truth, Sal, i haul tT least objections in
the world ; but hadn't we better wait till e get to some place
what ain't so public? Everybody would sec 'us here, and some of
them mout go and tell your man, and then tlTe devil would be to
pay, you know."
At first she turned as white as a rag, thtn she blushed up
then she burst right out in one of her old fashioned
laughs, and sez she:
" Well I do know you are the beatenest fool I ever did see !"
Then she made a motion to a feller who was adrivin' one of these
little houses on wheels you've seen 'em and the feller he stopt.
Then sez she to me:
" Come on ; if you won't call a 'bus,' I will."
Oh think sez I to myself, this is the way the city folks, as
they call themselves, do when they want to go into the kissin' buss
to git out of sight.
iness they gojnto these
you ever! I raily expect that's jist what they're made for.
We got in but to my no little embarrassment I found some
four or five fellers in there already. Think sez I, we hain't better
ed ourselves very much arter all. Sal didn't seem to mind them
a whit, but jist took her seat right by the side of me the same as
if there warn't nobody within a mile of us. As she'd sed she'd
order a 'bus' if I didn't, I concluded I'd jist let her have her
own way anout it anu n sne was a niincl to postpone it till a
more favorable opportunity presented itself, I had no objections.
Purty soon she lookt at me, turned red in the face, squeezed her
perty lips together in the nicest shape imaginable, and swelled
her cheeks out. The way my heart began to climb up and choke,
me was a caution, for it struck me the bussing was about to begin.
Yes, sir, she swelled out her cheeks jest like she was a try in her
best to hold in somethiu', and so she was, for all to once it got the
better of her, and out come one oi the merriest little laughs ever
hearn in St. Louis. Then sez sho, a pointin' to the roof of the
That's what ice call a 'bus,' Mr. Webber."
How do you reckon I felt jist then? Why, I could a crawled
inter a pipe stem. I jest sot there 'thout sayin' a word, or scarcely knowin' anythin', and on went the wagon the 'bus,' as she
At last Sal, she said she guessed we'ed got about to the right
place to get out. Now you know, Haze, I was allers considered
something of a gallent among wimmin about home, and of course
I was about the same out there. Besides I wanted to do something to redeem myself from the blunder that I had just made.
I did that, so up I jumpt and made for the door of the
LOUISVILLE, KY, SATURDAY, MARCH 12, 1859.
$5 a year, in advance J
OFFICE, )j No. 13
No. 452 Market
bus' in order that I mout open it and help Sal out I took holt
of the door, but it was fastened. I pushed a right smart, but it
wouldn't open. My dander riz to think the feller had gone and
fastened us up in his 'bus'; so I gin a lunge agin it somethin'
broke and out I went on my head in the gutter. Nor was this
all there came rollin' down over the hind part of the 'bus' a lot
of the queerest cussin you ever hearn in your life, cause the feller
ho was a kind of a Frenchman, or somethin'.
I pickt myself outn the gutter and went around to the end
where the bosses were hitched, a thinkin to pay the feller for our
ride, and then if he didn't hold his jaw to lick him. What do
you think? Why, when I got there I seed Sal a payin for both
our rides up through a hole. Gelucipher but didn't that make
me feel sheepish agin I jest went back to the hind end of the
'bus,' and helpt Sal down the steps; and then I walked along
with my head down, and not a sayin' a word.
After I'd held my head down till I'd kinder got over the worst
of my feelings, I sorter raised i, .and the first thing that caught
my eyes was a shirt oh, gelucipher such a shirt as it was. I
can't begin to describe it. 'Twas big enough to a bin worn by
all creation at o: cb so big they couldn't keep it in the house, so
they had to stretch a rope acrost the street away high up, and
hang it on it.
"Gelucipher!" sez I, " Sal, jest look a there what a whalia'
big shirt I"
Poor critter you ort to a seen her throw up her hands and
turn pale. 'Pon my word it scart me almost inter a geminy fit,
for I thought she a was goin' to faint Sez I :
" Sal, what on yearth ails ye VJ
"Oh, do hush !" sez she, and then she staggered and fell, but
as good luck would have it she fell right atords me and 1 caught
Think sez I to myself, Bill, this is some, ain't it? Way out
here in a strange town, with a sick woman. Then sez I to Sal:
" Miss Sally" you see, I spoke kinder nice, thinkin' it mout
help to fetch her to herself sez I, Miss Sally, are yon much
sez she, "but please don't talk about such thintrs to
me enny more."
That got me wuss than ever I begun to see it all Sal had
got sc orfully stuck up with St. Louis modesty, that she was about
to faint because I said shirt to her.
It don't seem possible that a
couple of years could make such a difference with enny critter.
Why, when she lived out here in Illinois, you know, she ust to
foller makin' shirts, and she thought no more of talkin' about
them than nothin'.
But the big shirt had got my curiosity up, and when Sal stept
into a store where they sell bonnets and all kind of wimmin fixine,
I slipt back to take another look at it. While 1 was a walkin
around and a viewen it like a feller would a boss he was a goin'
to buy, a purty clever lookin chap came along, and sez I to,
"What in the name of creation do they make siteh hi' shirt:
" Made to be worn' by the man in the moon," sed the chap, and;
on he went. While I was a try in to think whether or not it was
all a fish story, the feller what keeps a store right there, came out
and explained that it was merely a big "concern he'd had made
and hung out for a sign. That was enough.
AVhen 1 got back where Sal was, I found she'd bought a whole
lot of things ; some of them I know'd what was, and some I didn't.
Among them was a thing like a wire
though it warn't a
cause it was twenty times bigger yes fifty timeg
bigger, and no bottom in it She called it a crinoline ; and arter
thinking about it for some time I came to the conclusion that it